When I was a kid, my mum would tell me: "You can do anything you want."
As a kid, that felt great. A world of unlimited opportunity at my fingertips. As I got older, the sentiment grew uncomfortable.
What if I picked the wrong thing?
Wouldn't that be a terrible waste of potential?
So I held off choosing, unable to commit to anything for fear of choosing wrong. By doing that, I turned toward alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. Self-development requires direction, otherwise we turn to self-destruction.
After being offered the opportunity to start an apprenticeship, I found that I really enjoyed the work.
I was learning something new every day, developing relationships and finally moving along a path.
There are three skills here that are universal, no matter what you choose:
#1: Learning.
No matter what you do, you're going to have to learn about it. If you find yourself wanting to learn about it, that's a great indicator that you've made a good choice.
#2. Developing Relationships.
No matter what you do, you'll need to develop relationships of some sort. If you find that the relationships support your self-esteem, that's a great indicator you've made a good choice.
#3: Staying The Course.
The skill of saying "no" is one of the most important to learn. Moving along a path is just saying "no" to all other paths you come across.
As far as I'm concerned, there are 3 good reasons to stop something:
1. You don't want to learn about it.
2. The relationships reduce your self-esteem.
3. The path isn't leading you in the same direction as your values and ideals.
***
After I broke my neck, I had to reassess my path forward.
What was it about being a mechanical fitter that kept me on the path?
At first, I assumed it was the industry in general. So I started an engineering degree. Boring as fuck, wrong choice.
Next, I assumed it was the mechanical nature of it. So I got into 3D printing. Closer, but it still didn't hit the spot.
So I asked - "what were my favourite days on the job, and what did they have in common?"
The list I came up with:
Being assigned a previously unsolved problem.
Freedom to get creative with the solution.
Being part of a great team.
Time pressure.
High risk.
When I looked around, I realised that entrepreneurship best met the conditions on my list. So I started a business. I fucking loved it.
You might be in a different stage of your life, or enjoy different things to me.
There's nothing wrong with that, it's just figuring out what you personally enjoy.
While the example I used is work related, there are 3 main areas we need to find direction in:
1. Something to improve our physical & mental health.
2. Something to develop relationships.
3. Something to make us money.
When we feel something missing from our lives, it's likely going to be one of these three. We all need them to feel fulfilled. So how do we find them?
Repeated exposure and rapid iteration.
See what's available, give it a crack.
Not for you? That's okay. Try again.
It's really just a matter of deciding what's missing, and pursuing our Genuine Curiosity to see what sticks.
We need to give ourselves some grace, not everything is going to be for us.
We're like Thomas Edison inventing the lightbulb. Trying different things, seeing what speaks to us. We just need to move quickly, we don't have all the time in the world.
We need to make sure if we choose to stop something, it's not just because it's getting hard.
Everything worth doing is hard.
The end goal of pursuing our Genuine Curiosity is to find something that brings us a sense of meaning, and achieve self-actualisation (reaching our highest potential), and self-transcendence (helping others reach their highest potential).
Self-actualisation and self-transcendence aren't separate though, they're symbiotic; neither one can exist without the other.
Confusing? Let me explain:
Within each of us, there is a unique gift than only we can give to the world; this is our highest potential. In their purest form, our gifts are love. Considering that love is how we help others grow and achieve self-actualisation, we cannot reach our own highest potential without helping everyone else reach theirs.
***
What does this mean for our direction?
It means that our ultimate purpose is to help as many people as possible give their unique gifts to the world.
Humans are meant to be enablers of love. That means both giving and receiving. So what is the highest meaning, the most purposeful direction?
Unity.
So what is unity?
True Unity requires three things:
To be united in love (growth).
To be united by a shared path (struggles).
To be united under your shared values (ideals).
This will make sense in a moment, I promise.
Given that we're trying to achieve self-actualisation and self-transcendence, we should be united in love.
Self-actualisation and self-transcendence can only be achieved through love, the common thread that everyone grows through.
It is what brings everyone together. It's how everyone feeds into each other. It's like a web that everyone is united in.
So what are we united by and under?
For me, I started an online health & fitness group for wheelchair users.
We are united in growth. We are united by our shared struggles. We are united under the ideals of health and strength.
We all help each other along our common path in pursuit of our ideals.
When one of us overcomes a struggle, we share it with the community, and everyone benefits.
We support and encourage each other. We help each other stay on the path. We remind each other of what we're working towards.
This is how strong communities are built.
Not just by a common interest, hobby, or goal.
But by love, support and encouragement. By a shared path and shared struggles. By a shared ideal, a shared hope for the betterment of the world.
Let's use the largest community on Earth as an example:
Christianity: United in love (growth), by a shared path (living the teachings of Christ), under a shared ideal (living as God intended).
It's no surprise that people have a deep desire to be united; we're hardwired to seek community.
Even the word "community" = Common unity. We all crave, and need something that unites us. The further from unity we are, the more miserable we get.
Think about it; what would hell on earth look like?
Everyone divided into individual ideals – their own best interests.
No support, no love, no helping hand – everyone just out for themselves.
No shared path, no shared struggles – everyone just going it alone, in isolation.
No common values, no shared ideals – everyone with a different vision for the world.
We'd be living separate, isolated, resentful, hateful lives. We'd all be fighting each other to impose our own ideals. We see this already; Christianity vs Islam, Capitalism vs Communism, Freedom vs Authoritarianism.
Countless wars have been fought and lives have been lost to the warring of opposed ideals.
Now, I don't have any easy answers for these massive issues – but I've got a few answers for ours.
We should live by the Core 4 Values, find other people who do, and help each other to grow along our shared path toward our shared ideals. If we enjoy what we do, love the people we do it with, and truly believe that our ideals contribute to the betterment of all creation, then how can we go wrong? The right path will have love, it'll have struggles and it'll have people on it with the same righteous values and ideals as ourselves.
And the wrong path?
Well, that'll take us to Hell; but it's never too late to find a better path.